SBW Makes a Farce of Marriage

So, as you know, I signed up for a dating site. When I feel like a guy isn't the right match for me, I like to take the time and explain why. I reason that if the shoe were on the other foot, I would want to know why I was being rejected. But the thing is that if they even bothered to read my very succinct profile, they would already know why we weren't a fit. My sister tells me I should stop responding and just let them figure it out. No answer is your answer. And after a tedious week of defending my life choices to annoyed and sometimes insulting men, I think that she's right. So, fellas, if you ever wonder why you never get a response either way from a gal, it's because doing the nice and courteous thing is just asking to get verbally spit on. And who wants to sign up for that?

HIM:

"Hey there,

I just got back from a 4 month trip to Central America and caught sight of your profile...let me know if you are interested.

Zev"

* ME: "Hey Zev, You're obviously very attractive, but I'm looking for someone who doesn't want kids. Best wishes, SBW" * HIM: "Why, do you want to get married anytime soon...otherwise lets just meet and have fun...go with the flow...don't put pressure on anyone." * ME: "It would be nice to date someone with whom there is at least the potential of something long-term and permanent. I just don't see the benefit of doing the casual thing. One of two things happen: 1. It's casual and we have a lot of fun and eventually move on and are both okay with it, but I waste time- I've heard that the older I get, the harder it will be to find men (oh so fickle about age!), or 2. Someone gets hurt. Best wishes." * HIM: "It doesnt sound like you are serious...you just want to fool around and not got married and then not have kids...are you unable to? why would you want to get married and not have kids?" * ME: "Not sure what you're talking about. I never said I wanted to just fool around (I said the opposite and explained why a casual relationship is no good) and I never said I had to get married. I said I would like something long-term and permanent (for example, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have a great set-up). If you think the only reason to be with someone is only either sex or procreation, I am sad for you. While those things are nice (or at least the first one is nice), there is something to be said for companionship, emotional bonding and growing old together. I said I didn't want anything casual. In hindsight, I realize that I shouldn't have responded at all. I was merely trying to be polite by explaining my reasons, but we're obviously on different wavelengths. This will be my last response. Best wishes. p.s. And no, I'm not unable to have kids. I am able and unwilling. Not every woman wants to sign up for that hell." * Editor's Note: Perhaps the P.S. was going too far. I didn't need to call it "hell." I should have recognized that it might be an incendiary word to use. But I was getting annoyed that he kept asking questions when he wasn't listening to the answer. * HIM: "that hell...you should be ashamed...if it weren't for procreation you wouldn't be alive...what a farce you have made of marriage... * That's the end of our correspondence. I was too *ashamed* to respond. Ladies, if you don't contribute to the world's overpopulation problem, you should be ashamed! Your womb doesn't belong to you, so how dare you have the audacity to try and plan your life. Better leave such decisions to the mens. Who wouldn't want to have kids, when there are dumb asses like Zev populating the earth to keep your future progeny company? And yeah, I used his real first name. He's such a b*tch punk @ss, anyone who knows a Zev should know that if he lives in Los Angeles and is really cute, there is a chance that he's the one I'm writing about here and is dumber than a bag of rocks. Where did I say that I wanted to get married? I NEVER said that. In fact, I said that I never said that, and yet he continues to believe I said it. What is he smoking? Anyway, I think he was just pissed because he wanted to "toot it and boot it" as the kids say these days, and I wasn't down for a casual hook-up. Anyway, after this week I will no longer feel guilt if I don't respond. He wasn't the only one who argued with me, but he was the only one who was so dense about it. I removed myself one of the sites and will remove myself from the other one as soon as I technically can (long story)- hopefully by Monday. Need a reprieve from the crazies.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree

SUBBING POST

First day of subbing yesterday. Grade school.

One kid was crazy difficult all day. I told his mom/ grandma about his behavior when she came to pick him up at the end of the day. This was our conversation:

GRANDMA: So how did Andy do today?

ME: Well, he squeezed his antibacterial hand gel all over his papers and his classmates' papers, so I confiscated it from him and put him in time out. And then later I had to put him in the corner again for poking his classmates with his pencil. And then at the end of recess, he refused to come back to class, so the librarian had to physically drag him back to class. He refused to do his work and wandered around as he pleased. He is very difficult to manage.

GRANDMA (shrugging nonchalantly): Well, I guess he doesn't like school. Thanks, take care.

ME: Oh. I SEE.

You Get What You Pay For AKA "blocking you bitch"

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Catch up

Sorry for the silence. I've been very tired and uninspired. I haven't written because I knew I would only be bitching, and that's no fun. But a friend asked me to write anyway, so here I go. You've been warned. A few things before I dash off for work:

1. I did pass the CNA state boards. As soon as I get my card in the mail, I'll start applying. Also, I think I need my CPR card. I had one, gave it to my instructor and she lost it. So I might have to take the class again. I know I can re-order it, but I don't know the name of the woman who taught the one-day class. Everything was done in such a disorganized, janky way.

2. I started a temping job up in LA last week. For the month of July. This means I commute 3 hours a day (1.5 each way)- work traffic is no joke. I'm at the office ten hours a day. I feel like my head is going to explode. Mostly from boredom, even though it's a pretty intense production/ development office. A lot of stuff going on there. I try to remember that I'm very lucky to be there. A lot of people would kill to be in that office, even if only for the summer.

3. The homeowner flew back yesterday and will swing by to look at the house either today or tomorrow. I spent my 4th of July weekend painting the backyard fence in preparation for him. Exhausting work.

4. I'm really hooked on this Rascal Flatt's song, "Fast Cars and Freedom." Not a huge country fan, but there are a lot of great songs in the genre.

Gotta run. I'm behind schedule. Have a great week!

New Age Man

I'm back on the dating circuit. I'm dating online. This time, though, isn't as entertaining. I'm getting as many emails and winks as before (which is nice because I'm keeping it real this time instead of being who I think men want me to be), but I'm staying true to my vision, so won't be dating as much (less leniency now). I'm also not dating as old as I was. Ten year age gap max. And I'm also dating men much younger than myself, upon my sister's urging. (Although she didn't have to urge too hard- Young (yes, waaay legal) men are always so sweet, gorgeous and eager!). They're very charming. Anyway, I digress.

I think that last time I just wanted to find a boyfriend, so I wasn't as particular about who I dated and I bent a lot of rules and made concessions that I knew would bite me in the ass later. And it did. And today I realized, that was the problem... I shouldn't look for just a boyfriend, I should look for a husband! This is a nearly impossible task because I know I don't want kids. And although guys are always joking about a woman's biological clock, I've noticed that a lot of (most) men have the same biological urge to plant their seed. It's nearly impossible to find someone who definitely does not want kids. The not-sures and the on-the-fences will want them. After they're financially secure. Trust. So I won't mess with those wishy-washy folks either.

So, you may ask, why get married if you don't want kids? I don't know, I guess the companionship sounds nice. And the health insurance (you think I'm kidding). And just sharing your life with someone else. My ex-boyfriend and I talked about marriage a few times (in a general sense), and he really sold me on it. I was against it before we met, but he made it sound like a lot more fun than I'd previously imagined. He was quite the salesman. So I'm a convert and now on the marriage track. So no more dating conservatives and men who want kids and men who are the wrong sign (you think I'm kidding).

I've found a lot of great guys who would be great partners, but they all want kids. I should send them over to a few of my baby-crazy friends who have trouble finding a man who wants to start a family. They're convinced they don't exist, but that's really all I see. I think I have a maternal (i.e. dowdy and boring) quality about me that brings them out of the woodwork. But the last thing I want to be is anyone's mother.

Anyway, I sat down here to share one of the guys who winked at me. He is hilarious. Very crazy yoga new-agey man. This is the picture that went with his profile; I think it might actually be him twirling around in a skirt with his pot belly peeping out. Check him out:

About my life and what I'm looking for

I want to fall in love with the agony of love, not the ecstasy. Fot this is the time the beloved will fall in love with me. if you are ready for the true journey of love here I am awaiting your arrival. There are only four questions of value in life. What is sacred? What is spirit? What is worth living for? And what is worth dying for? The answer to all four questions is the same. Only love

for fun:

I love to go to yoga with my partner to be. It is a great way of connecting to one another.

my job:

I want to fall in love with the agony of love, not the ecstasy. For this is the time the beloved will fall in love with me. if you are ready for the true journey of love here I am awaiting your arrival.

my ethnicity:

Will discuss more when the time allows

my religion:

will discuss more later

favorite hot spots:

Europe, latin america. But I live here so here I am.

favorite things:

I am vegi eater only once year eat other meat products. As u can tell I have almost travelled everywhere except Australia area. Someday. Just came back from Caracas. Very interesting.

Vegas

I really shouldn't have gone (owe my bro money, and I also need to pay for color correction and legal help for the movie, but I really hardly spent anything- maybe $100 for the whole weekend), but I went to Vegas over Memorial Day weekend and I'm really glad I did! It was just the rest and fun I needed to recharge my batteries. My old high school pal had a room there and generously said I could join her gratis, so I hitched a ride with a friend of mine who lives here in LA and we went and the three of us partied it up together. The first night out we were out until 7 in the morning! Red bulls & vodka will do that to you. At that point we weren't even tired anymore, but figured we should force ourselves to sleep. Anyway, it was a lot of fun : ) I feel like I have more perspective on things and got some of the angst out of my system.

Anyway, I have a mid-term today for my Home Health Aide class, so I should jet.

If you don't have anything good to say...

Why can't I let these boots go? I keep putting them in the Goodwill pile because I never have the nerve to wear them out. They're so hooker-y! But I love them, ha ha.

Watching a lot of Sex And The City... it motivates me to get back out there in the dating world. I told my sister last month that I would start dating again after she found a boyfriend, and it looks like she may have found someone already! Yikes... I didn't think she'd get one so quickly! Not because she's unlovable or anything, but because she's picky. The woman knows what she wants! Well, they've only been on one date, so I don't have to sweat anything yet... but we'll see. She's pretty confident that it's a done deal, so it probably is.

Another clinical down... only two more to go. And then it's back to regular lecture and lab. Today we worked in partners, so the bed baths weren't as bad as usual. It was the first time I bathed a man, though. I was so nervous about it, I don't know why. It's not like I've never seen a penis before. I've just never washed one, I guess. Not before today. Piece of cake. Actually easier than bathing the women. I guess I was nervous because some of my classmates had their patients get a hard-on while they were bathing them, and I didn't want to deal with that. But my patient didn't do that- should I be offended? Ha ha, just kidding! But one girl told me a guy jacked off in front of her, in the middle of his shower, so she just left the room and came back in when he was done. Our patient was a total gentleman, though, and was totally used to the drill, so it wasn't any big deal at all.

Still hanging out with the ex every Monday night, watching Bill Maher and doing my laundry at his house. Next week would be our one-year anniversary, so it might be weird if we hang out. Or not!

Well, I didn't think I had anything to say, but I logged in anyway and ended up saying a lot. Guess that's what happens when you're a chatty cathy blabber mouth.