My First Day

So I had my first actual day of clinicals yesterday. After the stories I heard, it wasn't as crazy as I thought it would be. But it WAS more disgusting.

Example of one of the stories I heard:

One Nurse's Assistant (not a student, an actual worker) showed up to work wearing a scrubs top, but these tights-as-leggings bottoms instead of scrub pants. You could totally see her turquoise blue thong underneath them. In case you're slow, this is NOT acceptable clothing for this setting. When it was time to shave the men, she would tell them in her little Betty Boop voice, "Okay, daddy, I'm going to shave you now." And then she proceeded to KISS them on the cheek, climb INTO the bed with them and shave them. And then she kept cutting this one old man as she was shaving him (he probably didn't notice or care with his wood and all), and she giggled, "Omigod, I am just nicking the fuck out of you!" And then she would ask the old men if she should be a porn star and she'd do all these porno poses for them. WTF?!?!

I didn't see her on Saturday. I heard like five girls from the Friday class tell me these stories about her. I was hoping she would be there so I could see her, but I think she may have been fired. There's a new no-nonsense charge nurse at the facility who has been getting rid of the riff-raff. I imagine she was one of the first to go. She'll probably land on her feet- or at least on her back... heading to a porn movie near you!

My Actual Experience:

I shadowed another Nurse's Assistant (CNA) who was really nice and professional. Omigod, I haven't done such back-breaking work since I worked on a farm in high school, and I was only shadowing this weekend!

My first patient was a nice old woman who had been given a laxative for her constipation. Let's say it worked a little too well. As soon as we walked into the room, the funk hit us. Hard. I thought I was going to throw up. There was a wide river of partially-dried vomit running from her mouth all the way down to a few inches beneath her armpit. A few inches beneath that began the top part of her OCEAN of diarrhea that extended out and all the way down to her knees. It was the biggest brown puddle I've ever seen in my life. I really think the evening crew pretended not to see it, and left it for us. Because there's no way that could have been from one bowel movement. It looked like a few had been saved up.

We finally got her cleaned up, and were about to put on a fresh diaper when she did it again! Diarrhea everywhere. So then we finally cleaned her up again and were about to put on a fresh diaper when she did it yet again! I had to clean that woman up three times! Luckily the CNA had to do the most dirty work, and I just helped turn her and fetch clean water and what not. I can't imagine doing that by myself.

One woman didn't want to get up out of bed. We tried to wake her up, but she didn't move or open her eyes. I thought she was comatose or something, and then the CNA said, "I have a cigarette for you." And that old lady jumped right out of bed looking like a young spring chicken. She really hopped to it. It was hilarious.

We were taking another nice old lady to the shower when she peed on the floor and left a trail of poop, like Hansel and Gretel. I guess she wanted to be able to find her way back to her room. I didn't even notice she was doing it until my CNA was like "Don't step there!" And I looked down and my foot was a few inches above a big brown grenade.

Housekeeping was this guy with a chip on his shoulder. He refused to pick up the poop. He said it was beneath him because in China he had a Master's Degree, and here his children were doctors and lawyers and his house and car were paid off. That he only took this job because he loved the patients but the work was all beneath him. So my CNA picked it up (with a gloved hand and paper towel), and he mopped it up. I would have felt sorry for him if he didn't have such a big head about it.

Anyway, you get the picture. My first day was such a daze. I really think I was in shock. I wasn't expecting this degree of incontinence. Most of the people there are able to take care of themselves- cleaning and using the bathroom, but that 10% who can't really leave you with quite a load- literally and figuratively.