Oh, Willoughby!

Had a lunch date with Night Man.  He drove down from LA, picked me up, and we drove back up to L.A.  He found a great vegan Thai restaurant.  He does the best research and finds the best places ever!  It was sooo yummy.  Well, anyway, like every guy I've ever dated over 40, he wanted to take me on an architectural tour (yawn), so we went and saw a Frank Lloyd Wright house (The Hollyhock House).  It was actually a very interesting tour.  I thought it would be a big bore, but I surprisingly enjoyed it.  Here is part of it:

He kept trying to hold my hand, and I let him once, but I was just itching to let go.  The other times he tried, I just shoved my hands in my pocket or moved my purse or a piece of paper in that hand to prevent it.  I don't know what's wrong with me!  It's not a big deal- holding someone's hand- but I just really didn't want to do it!!

His ex-wife called him on the phone while we were in the car.  He had a special ring for her.  He didn't pick up, though.  I asked him if he thought she would ever re-marry, and he said he didn't know.  I find it odd that they live right across the street from one another, and they divorced forever ago, and neither one of them have re-married or found at least a serious, long-term relationship.  I don't know... something's fishy there.  I don't think he's ever let go of her.  And vice versa.

He asked me flat-out if I liked his car.  I hemmed and hawed and finally said I was indifferent and shrugged my shoulders.  I think my tone gave me away, though.  He said his last girlfriend hated it passionately, and whenever they'd go anywhere, she'd make him drop her off a block or two away from their destination, he'd go park the car, and then he'd have to walk to meet her.  She really didn't want to be seen getting out of that car.  I totally understand.  I laughed so hard when he told me that.  His wagon is just sooooo loooong.  

At the end of the date, when he dropped me off, I knew I'd have to give him a real kiss.  It was the fourth date, after all.  I tried to block out the image of his loooong car and also had to block out the image of the snot booger I saw bubble out of his nose during lunch (we were eating spicy Thai, so hey, I'll forgive that one)... so  I closed my eyes and tried to go with the flow.  I was shocked.  Totally stunned.   Woa.  Okay, remember when you played Barbies when you were little and you'd make your Ken doll and Barbie doll kiss each other?  You'd kinda mash their faces together and rub and move them side to side really fast?   It was exactly like that.  Well, in real life- my life- that method just doesn't cut the mustard.  Now, I don't believe in "bad kissers," only "incompatible kissers."  Let's just say that we were completely incompatible.  I've never been more horrified in my life.  Just, woa.  No.  Horrid.

Well, I'm facing quite the conundrum.  He's the nicest of all the guys.  He's so sweet, so seriously nice and earnest.  He would never in a million years cheat on me or say something mean to me, or treat me badly in any way.  And how many guys can you say that about, with absolute conviction?  I could have this guy wrapped around my little finger.  He would be so crazy about me, I can't even imagine how doting he would be.  Do whatever I wanted, give me whatever I wanted.  I've never had that kind of power over anyone.  I think I'd like it.  I wouldn't abuse it, but I'd definitely enjoy it!

BUT.  I'm not attracted to him.  At all.  His car is embarrassing, the way he dresses is embarrassing, and his kisses are horrendous (to me).  I can't even imagine the nightmare the bedroom would be.

     Pics:  Willoughby cutting a lock of Marianne's hair; Colonel Brandon/ "Sense and Sensibility"

I read too much as a girl, so when I think of Night Man, I think of Jane Austen's character Colonel Brandon in "Sense and Sensibility".  Of course that would make me Marianne Dashwood ; )  She wanted Willoughby... what girl doesn't want a Willoughby?  I like the bad boys!  But ultimately, the bad boys are no good for Marianne and she ends up with the doting and reliable (but boring and uncharismatic) Colonel Brandon.  My sister really likes my Colonel Brandon.  Maybe she's right and I should stick it out with him.

But just thinking of his kiss makes me want to throw up on the keyboard.  I'm really tired now and plan to take this upcoming weekend off anyway, so I'll think about it before giving him the ol' heave-ho.  He might be worth keeping...

That's a wrap for the weekend line-up.  Guess two good dates out of three isn't bad : )

TWO OUT OF TWO

Last night's dinner with Mr. Show Biz was really great!  Although I was really exhausted from a long and tiring week, so I don't think I was great company.  I tried, but I just wasn't 100% there. But anyway, he picked me up chez moi and when he knocked, my dog didn't bark or growl like she normally does.  She was friendly and acted like she'd seen him a million times before.  It was really weird.  She never doesn't bark (double negative, I know).

He drove us up to Manhattan Beach and we went to dinner at a nice sushi restaurant.  During the dinner he made a passing comment about how someone told him he needed to tone down his "Ari Gold vibe" (Entourage character)... I thought this was hilarious, given the Ari Gold avatar I chose for him.  Of course I didn't tell him why I was laughing so hard.  I think he just thought I was drunk on sake or something.  He's much nicer than Ari Gold, though.

On the drive home he held my hand in the car (he drove with one hand).  It was the best hand-holding session I've ever had.  Electric!  Natural.  I thought it was just me, but in a follow-up email he mentioned how much he enjoyed holding my hand.  He's really taking his time, and I know I won't have to put the brakes on with him because he's not rushing into anything anyway.  He's very confident, but he just really understands the "romance dance."  Me likee.  Men who understand the romance dance are often men with a "slow hand", if you know what I mean!  And that rocks.  My world.

Just got back from lunch today with Daddy Warbucks.  It was surprisingly great!  We met in Long Beach (it took him 1.5 hours to drive down here!).  He was totally behaving and seemed so nice and genuine.  A total gentleman and great conversationalist.  A striking look.  I asked him about dating AJ, and he told me that was just a joke.  He's never dated her, and he said that if he had, he wouldn't tell me like that.  So apparently he's not an obnoxious name-dropper.  I guess that joke totally went over my head.  We hugged good-bye at my car and he said he'd be in touch, so we'll see.  

I really like him.  The only caveat is that he's a Cancer, too!  His birthday is one day (and 18 years ) away from mine!  I love Cancers, but two Cancers = CRAZY!  Drama will ensue.  Trust.

So far, my dates this weekend are two out of two... positive experiences... let's see if tomorrow's with Night Man will make that three out of three!

FYI, I'm thinking of not accepting any dates for next weekend and just relaxing at home for two days.  A homebody's dream.  I'm REALLY tired and feeling run down... on the cusp of getting sick.  And I almost never get sick.  No more WEekends... Miss LB Woman needs a MEekend!  I think that's so clever (it's probably just cheesy, already been done and dumb).  But I think I just made that up, so you have to cite me if you use that!

BACHELOR #11: GALLAGHER

I said yesterday that I was going to call the next bachelor "Snail", but he's been picking up the pace.  And also, I thought of a better name for him:  Gallagher.  Remember that comedian who used to smash watermelons?  Well, Bachelor #11 is not a comedian and doesn't do anything funny with watermelons (that I know of), but he did used to be a performance artist, so it's close.  Now he works for corporate America, but back in the day (college), he apparently did some pretty edgy, envelope-pushing stuff.  The details of which I'll find out when we go on our audition, I mean date- drinks or coffee.  He has his son on weekends, so we'll probably do a weeknight, which works because weekends are tough.  Drum roll, please...

STATS:

NAME:  Gallagher

AGE:  29 y.0.

ETHNICITY:  White, but my sister swears he's at least a quarter black.  He kinda reminds me of my niece, so I could see that.  Someone back in his family may have "passed."

OCCUPATION:  Works on the corporate side in the legal world (not a lawyer).  Trains clients in some sort of technology.  Sounds like a good job.

BONUSES:  Cutie.  His photo is very warm and  engaging.  Adorable.  You just want to give him a big hug!  He's closer to my age.  Very liberal.  A Taurus, which is very compatible with Cancers.  Never married, although this could be a red flag.  I've heard divorced men are sometimes better than older single men because you know they can at least commit... but I've never been married, either, so who am I to judge?!  Spiritual but not religious.  Reads a ton of books.  Very active.   In terms of my 5 deal-breakers (religion, politics, age, nice, smart), he's the only  one who has scored 5 out of 5.

RED-FLAGS:  Is very slow out the gate.  Didn't ask me out on a "real date."  Has one kid, but seems to only have him on the weekends, etc.  Has to travel a lot for his job, but I actually prefer busy men, so this may be a plus!  Doting and hovering gets old.

Spoke with Mr. Show Biz on the phone last night.  He used my name like 5 times, it was kind of uncanny.  It was like he either reads this blog (!), or after we got off the phone, he realized he hadn't used it or something, so really made an effort to use it this time.  Anyway, he gets extra points for great "customer service"!  Double points for driving down from LA to Long Beach again and picking me up : )  We meet tonight!

WEEKEND LINE-UP

Friday Night with Mr. Show Biz.  Spoke with him on the phone last night for 30 minutes.  I like talking to him on the phone.  I notice he didn't use my name once- not in greeting or good-bye.  My sister and I think maybe he's juggling a lot of women and is afraid to use the wrong name.  He IS from the West Indies, but I don't get that player vibe from him.  Some people just forget to do it.

Lunch on Saturday with Daddy Warbucks.  Not sure if this is still on.  I popped his balloon when I ribbed him for name-dropping.  Frankly, I don't care either way.  I like him, but he's incorrigible and anger-inducing.

Lunch on Sunday with Night Man.  He volunteered to drive down from LA, pick me up in Long Beach and drive us back up to LA (when the date is finished, drive me back down to Long Beach, then he'd drive back up to LA!).  I agreed to this, because I think he actually likes doing it.  He really wants to spend as much time with me as he can.  He's very doting.  Man, he's doing all the right things, so I can't really break up with him.  But he really is too old for me.  He looks young because he takes care of himself, but he dresses like my friends' dads, and just has an older vibe.  I don't want to be seen out in LA with him!  I know, I'm horrible.

Sushi Fanatic asked me out for this weekend on Monday, but I just knew I wouldn't be able to fit him in, so I declined.  I really didn't want to double-book my days.  Two or three per weekend is more than I can handle.  I'm already exhausted by the end of the weekend.  I'll try to meet up with him on a weekday next week.

In related news, there is another Bachelor a-coming.  I've been talking to him for weeks.  But it takes him like four days to respond to one of my responses to his initial email, though.  He asked me out for coffee or drinks (aka an audition- booooo!) yesterday, but it's too late to get him in this weekend.  At the rate he moves, we'll be meeting next month.  Let's call him SNAIL.

There's an unnaturally beautiful/ impeccably dressed teacher across the hall from me in the school where I'm now long-term subbing.  I assumed he was gay, but he's been VERY friendly to me.  And not in a "Wanna be my fag-hag?" sort of way, although I'd probably prefer that, because I could use a gay BFF here in the LBC more than I could use another distraction.

SECOND THOUGHTS-UPDATED

I'm having second thoughts about this Daddy Warbucks character.  He's starting to sound a tiny bit obnoxious...

So Daddy Warbucks called on Monday and asked me what I was up to that day.  Since we'd already made lunch plans for Saturday, I figured it would be okay to tell him that after my lunch thing, I was running errands and puttering around the house.  He said good, because he was going to be in the area (for a friend's barbeque) and asked if we could meet up when I was through with lunch.  I usually don't accept last-minute dates, but because I'd painted myself into a corner, I couldn't then say that I had something else to do.  Also, I figured since he was driving from the canyons of Malibu, I'd cut him a little slack and make it easier on him.  So I agreed, but warned him that I wasn't sure when my lunch thing would end.  He said cool, we'd play it by ear, and that he'd call after his BBQ finished.

About 5 hours later, I got a text saying, "Let me take you to lunch this week... not today... what day is good for you."

This rubbed me the wrong way.  Even though we'd agreed to "play it by ear", I thought that had more to do with what time we'd meet.  I felt it was a little flakey and dismissive of him to cancel our impromptu date.  Also, we'd already made plans for Saturday days ago, so what was he talking about?!

I reminded him of our already-scheduled Saturday date and he wrote, "Did we?  You have so many other suitors?  Are u mixing us up?  LOL"

In the end, he checked his e-mails and admitted I was right and re-confirmed Saturday.  Guess I'm not at the top of his list!  So easily forgotten...

2.  He told me I had a cute voice and said that most women in LA sounded like men.  I asked him if he meant that women curse, and he was like, no, they just don't know how to do anything with their voices.   I took umbrage at the idea that we have to DO anything with our voices at all, but took the compliment.  Although I really don't have a cute voice, so it was a weird compliment.  I'm really not big on those negative compliment things anyway, though... seems like a player move... EVERYONE else SUCKS about this BUT YOU!  Really?  Unless you're finding your women on Santa Monica Blvd. (trannyville), I don't buy it.

3.  He asked me where we were going for lunch.  Everything I suggested, he shot down.  I gave him three good suggestions, which is three more than I usually give.  But noooo... not good enough for Daddy Warbucks!

4.  And then he asked me to cook for him.  I'm not sure if he was kidding or not (more not), but he seems the type to coat seriousness in jokes, which is highly annoying and sooo passive aggressive.  I think this guy is going to be a big headache, but we'll see.

P.S.  I just got an email from him.  He said:

You have such a cute voice :-) You seem a lot nicer than all the other actress/models I've dated in LA...including A.J... (LB Woman's note:  insert most famous female celebrity's name above for A.J.)

I wrote back and thanked him for the compliment.  And then I told him that he dropped something ; )  Now I kinda feel bad for talking about him, because that's not nice of me.  I do want to be nice.  He seems nice, too, but he really annoyed me there!

TO HEEL OR NOT TO HEEL?

Went on a date with Mr. Show Biz.  I like him.  A LOT.  Smart, attractive, funny, great style, great taste, an inquisitive, thoughtful listener and so personable.  He’s just a really great, well-rounded guy.  We had a few good laughs, a pretty good repartee (English spelling: repartay?!)  and a lot of similarities and things to talk about.  He’s a very skilled conversationalist (the best I've met so far), so he was doing most of the heavy lifting, but for the most part it was 50-50.

I was very comfortable around him.  We definitely have a very compatible, laid-back vibe.  He’s very likable, but you have to be careful in Show Biz land, because that’s everyone’s job… it’s your job to be charming and likable, or else you don’t get very far.  He’s gone pretty far.  But he does seem genuine and really down to earth, so I’m going to buy it, hook, line and sinker!

I told him that I’m seeing a few other people on Match and I assumed he was, too.   He kinda waved it away and said that I was the only girl he was seeing on Match.  The way he said "on Match" made it sound like he, too, was dating other people, but he just hadn’t found them on Match, just around wherever.  Which is totally fine, of course.

Negatives:  at the end of the date he asked me to call him and I agreed, but I NEVER initiate the follow-up call, so I guess I lied.  I don’t want to lie, so I’ll just plan to call him in the far, far future… Hopefully he’ll get tired of waiting and just call me.  Oh, and I broke a rule and ripped out a page from a magazine to give to him.  You’re not supposed to show that you’re thinking too much about him in the beginning, but I thought he and his son would have fun attending a visiting exhibit, so I gave him the magazine clipping when I saw him.  I just couldn’t stop myself, although I really wanted to practice restraint.  He looked shocked when I handed it to him, and I could swear I saw the wind go out of his sails.  Not literally or in a nasty way… but I think maybe it killed his hunter-mode… maybe it made me look a tad too eager or obsessive… but maybe I’m just imagining things(?!).

Oh, I forgot he was 5’7” and I wore heels, which was maybe obnoxious of me?  I’m at least 5’6” but not quite 5’7”.  I’m not really sure about the etiquette there.  If your height is close to your date’s height, should you wear heels, or is it better to wear flats?  I would think a guy would want his date to look her best, and that usually means heels.  But I don’t know!  I don't have a lot of flats- just a pair of black and a pair of white... that's it.  Need I invest?

And the restaurant was great.  Great atmosphere, great service, great food.  Superb.

Daddy Warbucks called and we had a pretty good conversation.  Although he was driving in the canyon, so the reception sucked and I couldn’t hear a lot of what he was saying.  I got tired of asking him to repeat things, so I just pretended I could hear everything he’d said.  I probably made some really dumb and nonsensical responses, and now he thinks I’m a little slow or a renob.  Who knows?  But overall, the convo went well.

Deja Eew (thanks for the re-name, Kara!) called, but didn’t leave a VM.  Usually I'll call back if I see I missed a call, but I don’t plan to this time.  Hopefully he’ll get the hint and we won’t have to have the whole break-up conversation.

Have been e-mailing back and forth with Sushi Fanatic. Looks like we're going to be at least friends.

GOOD-BYE, MATCH!

Went on a date with Night Man, Bachelor #3 yesterday.  It was fun.  I was initially a little annoyed when he suggested we go kayaking because on our previous date I told him that I was afraid of the ocean and sunk like a stone.  But I decided to be a good sport about it, since it’s such a huge part of his life (nature, the ocean, etc.).  We got lifejackets and kayaks and paddled on our merry way.  I actually had a lot of fun.  It was very relaxing and the scenery was beautiful…. Everything seemed so bright and glittery.  It was a beautiful day to go kayaking.

My pants got all wet, but that’s fine.  It’s just (dirty, polluted) water.  And before that we went to a really great Mediterranean restaurant.  When he dropped me off at my house, he walked me to my door.  I entered through the back door so that I could let my dog in, and apparently my sister was in the back yard and heard us… she thought we were some rascally kids trying to bother our dog and she yelled (very angrily)  “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!”  My date was really terrified, momentarily, but it ended up being very funny after everything was explained.

It turns out I almost ran into him on Melrose Avenue last night!  He took his mom to dinner at the restaurant across the street from ours.  Deja New and I walked right past his restaurant on our way to the show, and almost stopped in afterwards for a drink, but I was tired, annoyed and wanted to go home.  But what a small world!  That would have been SOOO awkward if I had seen Night Man while out with Deja New.

I told Night Man that I’m seeing two other guys (he asked), which is kinda the true number because I don’t think I’ll hear from the other two or three.  Three guys have asked me out on last-minute dates and when I didn’t drop everything to go out with them right away, I never heard back.  So the other ones might be finished for good, dunno.  I assume so.

Anyway, he asked me to cancel my match.com account.  I’m not sure I’m into him enough to be content with this, but I suppose this is only fair.  We’ve already been on three dates and he hasn’t even got to first base (only PG kissing) yet, so I have to give him some sort of assurance, and a semblance of a real chance.  He’s been very patient and is okay with me continuing to see the two I’ve been seeing for a little while, before making a final decision on one, but I think he’s trying to curb the influx of eligible bachelors.  

I agreed to do it.  All the dating manuals say to keep dating other men until you're in a committed relationship, so technically I shouldn't quit Match.  But I figure that right now I have a small reserve to last me a few weeks, so canceling my match account isn't stopping me from talking to the other guys.  If I'm still not ready to commit to him within a few weeks, then I'll break up and rejoin Match.  You gotta shit or get off the pot eventually, I suppose.  Anyway, a few hours after he dropped me off, Night Man called and left a VM, and also emailed me to remind me to cancel my account.  It will be a month any day now, and he wants to make sure I cancel it before it’s up, otherwise they’ll just charge me for another month automatically.  And if they’re going to automatically charge another month anyway, I’d probably reason, why not get some use out of it and be open to fresh faces?  I think he wants to make sure I don’t have an excuse why I’m still on it, which is exactly what I was hoping to do!  Foiled again!  He runs a tight ship, I guess.  :  (

Have lunch with Mr. Show Biz (Bachelor #6) today… crossing my fingers : )

 

Daddy Warbucks  (Bachelor #10) asked me out to lunch this Saturday.  He suggested we meet in Santa Monica since it’s between us- although MUCH closer to him (he lives in the hills of Malibu).  I did NOT like that, so I waited a day and then replied:

 I'd really love it if we could meet in Long Beach : )

I didn’t think I’d hear from him again… a lot of guys who don’t suggest driving out to meet you will flake or cancel if you ask them to do it, but this morning he wrote:

Yes, Miss LB Woman...your wish is my command.   To which I replied:   Well, I like the sound of that ; )   So, it is on like donkey kong!

DEJA NO MORE

Went on a second and last date with Bachelor #5, Deja New (same first name as my ex).  Well, it was something else.  Let’s just say he pinched my crotch, but I’ll get to that…

I really regret planning an event in Hollywood.  I suggested we go to Melrose Avenue, an LA hot spot.  I wanted to go there because I wanted to see “The Groundlings”, a place where a lot of Saturday Night Live people got their training.  But that was a bad call on my part.  I really should go to out-of-the-way places until I’ve really vetted my dates more thoroughly.  But he didn’t act this way on the first one.  Maybe there were subtle hints of bad behavior before, but nothing too bad… nothing like this!  I honestly think that he smoked pot before our first date, but before our second date he did coke or speed or something.  Big energy change.

It was embarrassing.  He’s way into PDA.  I’m not at all, especially when I don’t know someone very well, but I usually go along with it so that I won’t seem uptight (I know, shame on me!).  Actually, a quick kiss here or there is nice and can definitely be romantic.  But anything more is excessive.  I don’t like to see people making out in public, so I try to extend the same courtesy.

So he kept kissing me at the restaurant and on the streets and at the bar, and inside the show, too.  There were about 20 skits and he insisted on kissing me between every single one (when the lights went to black).  When I tried to pull away or say no, he would get really loud and say, “What’s wrong?  What are you doing?  What’s the problem?”  And everyone would turn and look.  Once he did that when the performers were back on stage, and they had to pause for a moment, waiting for him to quiet down before they could start.  I had to put my hand over his mouth to muffle his protests.  It just got easier to kiss him to shut him up.  I’m serious, we were really attracting stares and giggles.  I just wanted to die.  I tried to ignore it or work around it, but he would just lean over further, put his face right in front of mine, pucker up and keep his lips stuck out there until I obliged.  Sighing heavily with impatience and boredom didn’t help- believe me, I tried.  I know, I know, I really should have just said no more firmly, or punched him right in the kisser.… but the whole night was a little overwhelming and shocking, and I’d been drinking so things seemed slightly more tolerable.  That, and I needed the ride home (no taxi money, buses had stopped running on Melrose, my house is 1.5 hours away by car, so imagine the walk).

Oddly, he kept calling me “Girl” like he was my black gay hairstylist.  A few other dates have done similar things.  I think they don’t know how to talk to me, so slip into whatever they know of black vernacular… some variation of a 1990’s “Yo!  Mtv Raps” show meets RuPaul theme.  And he said, “Girl, I’m so crazy about my dark girl.  My dark kissing friend.”  As in me.  It was so cheesy and corny and fetishist of him.

Honestly, we actually did have physical chemistry between us, despite my whole being humiliated to be seen kissing with him thing.  But we had NOTHING to say to each other.  Crickets chirping.  I think that’s why he was trying to fill up the silence with his flurry of kisses. 

And this doesn’t matter, but he hardly laughed at the Groundlings show I suggested/ we went to, which is crazy to me.  I thought he would like it because he’s all Mr. Party Guy, loves to laugh… he laughs so loud and long at every lame thing that comes out of his mouth.  He turns every statement he says into some sort of punch line.  But it’s never even funny.  He just wants to laugh and be known as an affable, laugh-y guy.  But it’s really exhausting for me, forcing all that laughter.  I don’t mind guys who aren’t funny, but I do mind bores who think they’re hilarious and elbow you in the ribs and repeat what they say (a little louder each time) until you force a fake chuckle.

Anyway, I could go on and on about this date, but I’ll spare you all the gory details.  I will say that he kept trying to get me to go into the bathroom with him (he went pee like 5 times throughout the night, which seemed really excessive.  I think he was doing coke in the bathroom… needed a “bump” or whatever).  He said, “Can I go in the bathroom with you, girl?"  I said, “No.”  He said, “Well, girl, wanna come in the bathroom with me?”  I said, “No.”  So he GRABBED/ TWEAKED MY CROTCH (checking to see if I had a package, I suppose), and said “Nope.  Guess you can’t come with me.  You are a girl.  Girl, you are a girl!”  Then he forced a laugh, and gripped my arm until I forced a laugh with him, of course.  And the usher/ Groundlings student was watching all this and looked at me with a ‘WTF is this?’ look.  I wanted to die.  I had planned to train at this place, which is why I love going to their shows, and now they’ve all seen me, and probably think I’m some sort of pro.

He kept telling me how much he liked me and that he hadn’t dated anyone in a long time and he really wanted us to work out, so if he ever did anything that I didn’t like, that I should just communicate it to him.  I see his point, and considered doing that during our evening together, because he seemed lonely and needy… I really felt kind of bad for him.  But, ultimately, it would have been a litany of things, and who wants to harp on someone else like that?  Also, I think that there are just some things you shouldn’t have to train people to do or not do.  Crotch-grabbing in public is one of them.  It’s not my job to teach those kinds of things, so I’m going to pass.  We’re done.  It’s over.  IF he calls back, I’ll break it off with him. 

And then there were FOUR. 

* * *

And then there were five...?

BACHELOR #10

NAME:  DADDY WARBUCKS

OCCUPATION:  WRITER (but there were pictures on his profile of him talking on a news show.  He may be some sort of political correspondent or opinion-giver; I forget what the latter is called!)

POLITICS:  MIDDLE OF THE ROAD

ETHNICITY:  WHITE

AGE:  48 but looks 34

RED-FLAGS:  Says his politics are "middle of the road", which I'm realizing is often code for Republican but likes black girls and doesn't want to scare us away.  Claims in his profile that he wants one kid, but pretty much told me it wasn't a big deal either way.  I'm a little skeptical of that.  But at the same time, if he had really wanted one, at his age, he probably would have had it by now.  Didn't display his sign!! : (    Is religious, but doesn't really believe in hell and all the doctrine.  I get the feeling he's been very spoiled by women, so he'll be very hard to tame.

BONUSES:  Made me laugh.  Comes at me hard (come hard or don't come at all!).  Tall (6 ft.).  Very attractive.  Sexy, sexy man alert!  Very smart.  MBA and law degree.

So, the guy I mentioned yesterday… the one who made a joke saying he wanted to adopt me… well as Rob (commenter) pointed out, I forgot to name him.  I think I didn’t name him because I wasn’t sure he would pan out, but it’s looking promising, so let’s call him DADDY WARBUCKS (because of his joke about adopting me, obvs).  I think I’m either going to love him or hate him, because his humor is bold with a slight touch of “that’s so wrong”… Eventually, he’ll probably cross that line in a really offensive way, and then I won’t like him anymore.  Easy to do.  But right now I really like him and am excited about him.  His stats are above, duh.

The Sushi roll guy wrote back (I broke it off via e-mail).  He really doesn't want us to break up and asked that I please reconsider.  I don't think I can, but I will agree to be friends.  I really hope he doesn't want to hang out too much, though.  The purpose of breaking up is to make room for the guys you really want!  I really don't have the time and energy to mother and coddle him through his quarter-life crisis.  But I probably will because I'm a sucker and feel bad for him.

Going on a lunch-and-outing date with Night Man today.  Mixed feelings about it.

A WRAP FOR THE ROLL: BACHELOR #9

I decided to cancel Thursday's dinner for reasons you can probably already guess.  He's so young and doesn't know what he wants.  He seems unhappy where he is and seems to be suffering from a quarter-life crisis.  If I were younger, I'd go on the ride with him, but I think he needs to figure out what he really wants and start to make strides to do that.  And I got the impression that he really does love kids and probably wants a ton.  He says he doesn't know yet for sure, but he talked a lot about how much he watches his younger brothers and sisters and his eyes really lit up.  It will be an issue.  It's just not going to work out.  Great guy, but he's lost and we want different things.

I want to say, "And then there were five," but I'm emailing this new guy right now.  He's really funny and witty.  He says things that are very shocking to me, but they're funny.  I like to be shocked.  The "ugh" thing is that he has the word "smart" in his profile title.  That seems like an asshole move.  But he does come across as smart and witty, so at least it's not a lie.   Here's how he responded to my question re: as a Catholic do you believe non-believers are going to hell?

I don't believe anyone is going to hell... but I haven't met you yet, so maybe you'll be the exception. And then he wrote the following about wanting kids/ me not wanting kids: Relax...or chillax...I do like kids, but I'm a busy guy and a writer, and enjoy focusing on my work too. And you're kind of child like so I could always just adopt you or treat you like a child :-) My sister and I screamed with laughter when we read that.  Funny guy.  We'll see.

COLD CASE FILES: BACHELOR #7

          

ALIAS:  MODEL MAN, ZOOLANDER, MUFFIN MAN, ENFORCER

I wrote the Muffin Man Enforcer an email this morning, canceling our date tonight.  I followed up with a text in the afternoon to ensure that he'd read it.  He texted back "Already read it."  So, that's that.

He's really cute- HOT and seems really nice, and it's hard to pinpoint exactly what the problem was, but I just felt it in my gut.  Nothing glaring, but just a lot of small red flags.  They eventually accumulate and add up to= just don't go there.  I don't think he was a dangerous man with nefarious intentions.  Most likely, he just wanted me to park in the parking lot so that he could attempt to make out with me at the end of the date without worrying about indecent exposure or something harmless like that.  Dunno.  I'll never know.  But he disregarded and ignored my safety concerns.  And just because you're in law enforcement, doesn't give you carte blanche with my trust.

At the end of the day, I can live with driving a little bit out of my way on the first date.  I won't like it AT ALL (strike one), but if you have a reason why, or make it up to me on the second date, I can deal with it.  But not telling me the name of the restaurant (a place he's mentioned all week that he really likes) and arranging things so that I couldn't park outside of said restaurant is too manipulative on his part.  Even if they were silly manipulations, I don't like it.  He should have communicated his reasons why he wanted to meet me in a parking structure, other than it's close to the mall and restaurants... uh, I think the mall parking lot would be even closer!  It left me with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.  So, that's that.  I have zero regrets.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, he was a bad listener.  Correction- he was good at sitting silently, listening, but he lacked active listening skills.  He wouldn't really respond with statements  or questions when I said something.  And I understand talking with a lot of men isn't the same as gabbing with your girlfriends, but they should at least pretend a little bit that they're listening  (even "oh?" would have been awesome!).  It was like he was just waiting for his turn to talk again.  

In any event, case closed.

And then there were five.

THE GIFT OF FEAR?

Had coffee with Sushi Fanatic this afternoon.  It went well.  I got there 5 minutes early and felt self-conscious when he wasn't there, so I went on ahead and ordered a tea for myself.  He arrived a few minutes later and I think he felt slighted that I'd ordered and paid for myself... like I was trying to make some sort of statement that I wasn't trying to make.

Anyway, he looks nothing like his photo.  In fact, he looks ten years older than he does in his photos(!), which is odd since he's only 25.  He mentioned that someone joked that he was aging quickly and needed to start taking care of himself.  I guess his job is really stressful.  He's not HOT at all anymore, he's about average, which is fine by me because I'm average, too.

PLUSES:  He does not think my agnosticism will lead me to hell.  In fact, he admitted he's a little conflicted since he was a Biology major and believes in facts, and has noticed that many of those facts contradict blah blah blah.  I think he's a closet Agnostic, but will never commit to that, which is fine.  It's fine to believe whatever you want as long as you don't ignore facts.  Also, he asked me if his texts were starting to annoy me.  He was really blowing up my phone all week with them, and I tried to be patient and courteous about it, but I guess my annoyance showed.  I admitted they were a bit much, we laughed about it, and he promised he'd curb them a bit (but he just texted me again at 11:15 p.m., so I dunno...)

Minuses:  first date was a freaging coffee shop.  Cheap-o.  I should have never accepted a date within a few days of the invitation.  But I wanted to get it out of the way since I thought he was just going to be hot.   Anyway, he invited me out next Thursday night, presumably for dinner, so I guess I passed his little test.  I accepted his invitation, but right now I'm having second thoughts.  I mean, he's also thinking about switching careers... going to dental school or teaching pro golf.  I don't think he's found his path in life, and isn't settled.  Seems preoccupied with how often I accept subbing work, so I think my finances (or lack thereof) are going to be an issue.  And finally, he doesn't know if he wants kids or not.  Says he hasn't thought of it either way, although his profile says he wants two.  My worry is that we settle down together and ten years down the road he decides he wants kids, so dumps me.  And finding a man at 40 might not be as easy.  So I'd rather stick with someone who knows what he wants for sure, and it's in-line with my own goals.  But he's so nice and we had a great conversation, so it's hard to let him go!  I don't know if I'll have the strength to break up with him.  But I am really tired, so cuts are kind of necessary... especially since he blows up my phone so much.  I should make a decision fast, before next Thursday rolls around...

About my dinner tomorrow with the Muffin Man Enforcer... I'm a little "meh" about the whole thing.  I was excited because he was ponying up for dinner, but then tonight he asked me to come out to Brea for a sushi dinner.  Men who ask you to come to their turf on a first date (for no good reason) end up being total turds.  It's like a cardinal rule, always.  I swear, every time I break one of "The Rules", I end up being treated like this.  I should have never emailed him on a Friday night, fuck me. I'm really kicking myself now.  He's taking me for granted.  And the last thing he says to me is, "Oh, and tomorrow, just casual."  Me:  "Oh, so no dresses?"  Him:  "No prom dresses, no wedding dresses, just casual, be comfortable."  So, I'm a little lost as to what to wear.  I was going to wear a cute dress, but now I don't know.  And honestly, it seemed a little bossy, telling me what to wear!  Why don't you just explain the restaurant to me and let me decide what's appropriate?  Not what you prefer?  If he's controlling, I swear to God...

AND he wants me to drive directly to his house address.  I said, "Uh, no offense, but I don't go to guys' houses on a first- I just think it's better to meet at a restaurant."  And he explained that he lives in the middle of the city and the restaurants and everything are right across the street.  He's going to give me the information to a parking garage by his place and meet me there and then we'll cross the street and walk around the town center, I guess.  The whole thing seems a little weird.  He laughed at my implications and I said, "Just standard operating procedure here.  It's just how I roll."  He laughed that he understood and respected that, and assured me I wouldn't be entering his house or anything.  But still, meeting me in a parking lot seems a little weird, too.  And if I were him, and a woman expressed any sort of concern, I wouldn't try to wave it away, I'd agree to what she asked, to make her feel more comfortable.  Because when I asked him the name of the restaurant- twice- both times, the subject was changed.  I still don't know where we're purportedly going.  And if it's a real sushi restaurant- even the cheap all you can eat sushi restaurants- why would you tell me not to dress up?  Wearing a dress in a sushi restaurant would not be out of place.

I don't know.  I guess I'll feel out the situation when I get there.  If it's secluded and/or the attendant isn't in sight AND yelling distance, fuck him, I'm not getting out of the car.  But when I think about it, in the same conversation he made some joke about going out in the field today and bringing his taser, hoping to use it, and being disappointed that he didn't get the chance to.  Ha ha, funny?  My gut is telling me I need to cancel.  I'm frankly a little nervous right now.

I've spoken with Mr. Show Biz a few times within the last week.  We were going to just do coffee, but now he's decided he wants to think of a fun activity to do on Monday afternoon.  He asked me to pick a time, and then he would pick the activity.  And he's coming down to Long Beach, which is great.  He's really too good to be true.  I already know what our problem will probably be.  He's also preoccupied with how much work I get and how often I accept jobs.  I think he's trying to figure out my financial situation.  And when he finally does, he's going to be SOOO out of here.  He's going to run so fast!

I get really worried about juggling all these men, but the cold, hard truth is that after they find out that:  1.  I'm juggling a lot of suitors here, 2.  I'm not sleeping with any of them for at least 3 months (and definitely not until I've at least narrowed it down to one guy) and will require that we go down and get tested together before doing the deed, 3. my finances are hellacious, and 4. I'm not too worried about my credit score, I'll be lucky if there's even one man left standing.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend.  Make love (after 3 months), not war!

R U ROTFL?

The Enforcer just sent me the following text (verbatim/ typos included... I'd hate to ruin the joke by correcting it!) out of nowhere:

"There were two muffins sitting in an oven.  One muffin turned to the other and said, 'Boy, it sure is getting hot in here.'  The other muffin to the first muffin, in shock, and said:  'Holy shit!  A talking muffin!'"

Oh, and he prefaced it by saying it's his favorite joke.  And he wants me to call him tonight.   To chat.  Again.  I'm summoning the energy to hear more red rocket jokes from Muffin Man/ The Enforcer...

Um, is it too late to cancel Friday's dinner?  Just shut up and be pretty honey, ok?

BACHELOR #9

This is getting ridiculous.  I really need to make some cuts.  I'm honestly very tired.  And I haven't been able to accept plans with any of my real friends because of all the dating, and from being tired because of the dating.  It sounds dumb, but I'm used to only a few social activities a month (I forced myself out once a week), so this is very excessive for me.  But I can't pick which bachelor to get rid of.  I'm so greedy, I keep taking more in!  Just when I think I've shut the door, one more cutie-patootie with a great job, fat wallet, fun personality, cute face and rockin' body comes a-knockin'.  And how can any sane woman turn THAT down?  After a 30-year drought, it's raining men!  I've NEVER.   I've just NEVER, ever had this experience before.  But I never really left my house to meet any guys, so who knows what my life would be like if I weren't so hermetic?

Anyway, I have coffee on Thursday with Bachelor #9 (see below).  Dinner on Friday with The Enforcer, Dinner and a show on Saturday with Deja New, Dinner on Sunday with Night Man, and coffee on Monday with Mr.  Show Biz.  And I've been emailing back and forth with the man who may become Bachelor #10, so we know what might be coming there...

BACHELOR #9:  SUSHI FANATIC  (This may seem like a racist name, but in his first email to me, all he talked about was sushi, and I don't know too much else about him yet.  Except he's hot)

AGE:  25

ETHNICITY:  Japanese/ Irish (mixed)

OCCUPATION:  Chemical Sales (for domestic oil)

BONUSES:  Extremely friendly and outgoing.  Likes indie films.  Very athletic and active.  Hot.  Just a gorgeous, very interesting face.  I really shouldn't have accepted his invitation because he doesn't meet my other criteria, but I just want to stare at him 24-7.

RED-FLAGS/ PITFALLS:  Wants two kids someday.  Is a Libra, a sign not compatible with mine.  Is religious.  I broached both (kids/ agnosticism) concerns with him, but he just waved them away like it was nothing.  I'll get a real answer out of him when we meet for coffee on Thursday.

STATS

Above:  Saturday night's dress

Stayed home sick today.  Felt very dizzy this morning, and nauseous.  And no, I'm not pregnant! Not even a remote possibility unless it was through immaculate conception.  Maybe a food baby, though!  Food poisoning?  Dehydration?  Maybe Night Man or Deja New (I tried going in for my patented cheek press with the latter, but he intercepted and planted a big one right on me) was sick.  But they were so short and fast, so it doesn't seem likely.  Dunno.  Exhaustion?  Whatever it is, I'm home now and have time to do my stats.  I've already spoken about these guys before, so there's nothing new here.  Just for the record, to keep up with the number assignments:

BACHELOR #5:  DEJA NEW

OCCUPATION:  Former mechanical engineer/ Current Real Estate Investor

ETHNICITY:  White

AGE:  Late 40s

RED FLAGS/ DOWNERS:  Tries to pawn a lot of the dating work off on me, in terms of driving and arranging things.   Has a young son (6 years old).  His ex-wife lives a mile away, but there's supposedly no drama there.

BONUSES:  Retired 10 years ago, so now leads a very stress-free, fun lifestyle.  Lives a few blocks from the ocean.  His kid mostly lives with his mom.  Likes Seinfeld and is pretty funny.  Is spiritual but not religious (although he mentioned some Christian Scientist church, uh oh), and eats health food.  Is tall and from the same region I am.  Is a Pisces!

BACHELOR #6:  MR. SHOW BIZ

OCCUPATION:  Executive at a t.v./ movie studio

ETHNICITY:  Black (both parents from one of the islands)

AGE:  40

RED FLAGS/ DOWNERS:  According to his profile, he wants his date to make over 50K- sorry!  That bus doesn't stop here!  Has a kid who mostly lives with his ex-wife.  Is religious, but does not think I'm going to hell and promises to not push his beliefs onto me.

BONUSES:  Is a Scorpio, yay!  Has a bunch of letters after his name (degrees, etc.), well-traveled, we watch the same shows.  Good looking, smart and personable.  It's very easy to talk with him.  He takes everything in stride and didn't write me off when I acted crazy.

BACHELOR #7:  THE ENFORCER

OCCUPATION:   Federal Law Enforcement

ETHNICITY:  Latino (hasn't specified further)

AGE:  29

RED FLAGS/ DOWNERS:  Immature and gauche (although funny) sense of humor, usually reserved for those you know better.  Is a Leo, a sign not compatible with Cancers.  According to his profile, he's only looking for Asians, Latinos, Pacific Islanders and Whites.  Nothing about Blacks.  I asked him about that and he said it was a mistake, an over-sight.  I pretended to believe him, but I don't.  If it doesn't matter to you, you just click on all of them, or you don't click any of them.  I hate it when people regard me as an exception to some sort of racist rule they have in their heads, so I'm keeping my eyes peeled for signs of racism.

BONUSES:  HOT.  Similar politics.  Is easy to talk to and very easy-going.

BACHELOR #8:  CREOLE MAN

OCCUPATION:  Senior Exec for a national real estate company

ETHNICITY:  Creole:  Black/ Spanish/ French (looks kinda like me)

AGE:  42

RED FLAGS/ DOWNERS:  Divorced with two kids (kids live away from home, yay).  Is a Sagittarius, a sign incompatible with Cancers.  Likes to make last minute dates.

BONUSES:  Well-traveled, highly educated, politically liberal, spiritual but not religious

In other news, there was a 5.0 earthquake last night.  My sister and I were really freaked out.  We clung to each other under a door frame as our house rocked and shuddered.  Our dog followed us and hid under our legs.  It seemed to last forever.  That's the only thing about LA that I just can't handle. 

Going back to bed now...