THE GIFT OF FEAR?

Had coffee with Sushi Fanatic this afternoon.  It went well.  I got there 5 minutes early and felt self-conscious when he wasn't there, so I went on ahead and ordered a tea for myself.  He arrived a few minutes later and I think he felt slighted that I'd ordered and paid for myself... like I was trying to make some sort of statement that I wasn't trying to make.

Anyway, he looks nothing like his photo.  In fact, he looks ten years older than he does in his photos(!), which is odd since he's only 25.  He mentioned that someone joked that he was aging quickly and needed to start taking care of himself.  I guess his job is really stressful.  He's not HOT at all anymore, he's about average, which is fine by me because I'm average, too.

PLUSES:  He does not think my agnosticism will lead me to hell.  In fact, he admitted he's a little conflicted since he was a Biology major and believes in facts, and has noticed that many of those facts contradict blah blah blah.  I think he's a closet Agnostic, but will never commit to that, which is fine.  It's fine to believe whatever you want as long as you don't ignore facts.  Also, he asked me if his texts were starting to annoy me.  He was really blowing up my phone all week with them, and I tried to be patient and courteous about it, but I guess my annoyance showed.  I admitted they were a bit much, we laughed about it, and he promised he'd curb them a bit (but he just texted me again at 11:15 p.m., so I dunno...)

Minuses:  first date was a freaging coffee shop.  Cheap-o.  I should have never accepted a date within a few days of the invitation.  But I wanted to get it out of the way since I thought he was just going to be hot.   Anyway, he invited me out next Thursday night, presumably for dinner, so I guess I passed his little test.  I accepted his invitation, but right now I'm having second thoughts.  I mean, he's also thinking about switching careers... going to dental school or teaching pro golf.  I don't think he's found his path in life, and isn't settled.  Seems preoccupied with how often I accept subbing work, so I think my finances (or lack thereof) are going to be an issue.  And finally, he doesn't know if he wants kids or not.  Says he hasn't thought of it either way, although his profile says he wants two.  My worry is that we settle down together and ten years down the road he decides he wants kids, so dumps me.  And finding a man at 40 might not be as easy.  So I'd rather stick with someone who knows what he wants for sure, and it's in-line with my own goals.  But he's so nice and we had a great conversation, so it's hard to let him go!  I don't know if I'll have the strength to break up with him.  But I am really tired, so cuts are kind of necessary... especially since he blows up my phone so much.  I should make a decision fast, before next Thursday rolls around...

About my dinner tomorrow with the Muffin Man Enforcer... I'm a little "meh" about the whole thing.  I was excited because he was ponying up for dinner, but then tonight he asked me to come out to Brea for a sushi dinner.  Men who ask you to come to their turf on a first date (for no good reason) end up being total turds.  It's like a cardinal rule, always.  I swear, every time I break one of "The Rules", I end up being treated like this.  I should have never emailed him on a Friday night, fuck me. I'm really kicking myself now.  He's taking me for granted.  And the last thing he says to me is, "Oh, and tomorrow, just casual."  Me:  "Oh, so no dresses?"  Him:  "No prom dresses, no wedding dresses, just casual, be comfortable."  So, I'm a little lost as to what to wear.  I was going to wear a cute dress, but now I don't know.  And honestly, it seemed a little bossy, telling me what to wear!  Why don't you just explain the restaurant to me and let me decide what's appropriate?  Not what you prefer?  If he's controlling, I swear to God...

AND he wants me to drive directly to his house address.  I said, "Uh, no offense, but I don't go to guys' houses on a first- I just think it's better to meet at a restaurant."  And he explained that he lives in the middle of the city and the restaurants and everything are right across the street.  He's going to give me the information to a parking garage by his place and meet me there and then we'll cross the street and walk around the town center, I guess.  The whole thing seems a little weird.  He laughed at my implications and I said, "Just standard operating procedure here.  It's just how I roll."  He laughed that he understood and respected that, and assured me I wouldn't be entering his house or anything.  But still, meeting me in a parking lot seems a little weird, too.  And if I were him, and a woman expressed any sort of concern, I wouldn't try to wave it away, I'd agree to what she asked, to make her feel more comfortable.  Because when I asked him the name of the restaurant- twice- both times, the subject was changed.  I still don't know where we're purportedly going.  And if it's a real sushi restaurant- even the cheap all you can eat sushi restaurants- why would you tell me not to dress up?  Wearing a dress in a sushi restaurant would not be out of place.

I don't know.  I guess I'll feel out the situation when I get there.  If it's secluded and/or the attendant isn't in sight AND yelling distance, fuck him, I'm not getting out of the car.  But when I think about it, in the same conversation he made some joke about going out in the field today and bringing his taser, hoping to use it, and being disappointed that he didn't get the chance to.  Ha ha, funny?  My gut is telling me I need to cancel.  I'm frankly a little nervous right now.

I've spoken with Mr. Show Biz a few times within the last week.  We were going to just do coffee, but now he's decided he wants to think of a fun activity to do on Monday afternoon.  He asked me to pick a time, and then he would pick the activity.  And he's coming down to Long Beach, which is great.  He's really too good to be true.  I already know what our problem will probably be.  He's also preoccupied with how much work I get and how often I accept jobs.  I think he's trying to figure out my financial situation.  And when he finally does, he's going to be SOOO out of here.  He's going to run so fast!

I get really worried about juggling all these men, but the cold, hard truth is that after they find out that:  1.  I'm juggling a lot of suitors here, 2.  I'm not sleeping with any of them for at least 3 months (and definitely not until I've at least narrowed it down to one guy) and will require that we go down and get tested together before doing the deed, 3. my finances are hellacious, and 4. I'm not too worried about my credit score, I'll be lucky if there's even one man left standing.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend.  Make love (after 3 months), not war!