Bachelor #1

After many urgings from my friends, I decided to finally join match.com.  This is because, frankly, I haven't had a boyfriend in years.  Part of my has been hung up on my ex.  We hang out almost every weekend and he's one of my best friends.  Because I had his friendly affection (a hug here, a kind word there), I got really complacent about finding his replacement.  Also, I think I've secretly been hoping that we get back together, even though we bicker a lot.  The other part of me that was holding me back from internet dating is the part that has been hung up on my first ex. He's the one for whom I probably should have checked into therapy years ago.  My Mr. Big, if you will (pardon my cheesiness that is).

Anywho, I joined Match.  Like every girl I know, my inbox was flooded with responses.   After checking out their profiles and corresponding with a few, I narrowed it down to about 8 guys.

BACHELOR #1 STATS:

Name:  Control Freak

Occupation:  IT Systems Designer

Ethnicity:  White

Age:  Says 43, but Google says 46

Red Flags:  Age discrepancy, slightly condescending about picking up the check, a fellow Cancer sign.  Two cancers= a lot of drama

Bonuses:  Runs a successful business.  Has a house.  Is attractive, polite and nice.  Is socially liberal.  Is into health food and isn't religious.  Doesn't want kids.  Is settled in LA.  Is one of the few people who doesn't hate it.  I like it here, too!

Control freak called me on Friday and asked me what I was doing that weekend.  Since I'd just begun Match that week, my weekend was wide open.  But I didn't want him to think I was a loser, so I said my weekend was full this weekend, but I was free on Tuesday.   I also told him that the next weekend was full (because it was.  I'd made a few other match dates before he'd called for the next weekend).  So I told him we could do Tuesday or we could just wait for the weekend after next.  He thought Tuesday would be better, so we made plans for then.

Dinner was nice.  He looked like his picture and he was a thoughtful conversational partner.  The place was cute.  Definitely the least impressive first date I've ever been on in terms of ambience and location (Let's just say that I was the only one in a dress.  All the other patrons were in cut-offs), but it was cute and he was treating, so I'm not going to complain and be ungrateful about anything.  Well, maybe to say that I told him I was a vegetarian and he assured me they had plenty of vegetarian options, but when I got there, my only choice was a veggie burger!  And it closed at 8 p.m., so our dinner was rushed.  I knew before even getting there that the restaurant closed early, and that food options were limited, but I was afraid to tell him because some guys would take it as me being critical and emasculating, so I figured it would be better for him to learn the hard way, and to put a little thought and planning into something if you don't want to look like a renob.  But okay, yeah, it was fine.  Other than his lack of thought or research that went into the date, I thought we really clicked and looked forward to the next one.

Evidently, he thought so, too because after we went out  on Tuesday, he followed up with an email on Thursday asking me out for this weekend.  I'd already made dates for this weekend with other Match guys before he even called on the previous Friday, so I had to decline.  I offered the next weekend and he threw a little hissy fit.  Read our correspondences:

HIS FOLLOW-UP EMAIL:

Date: Thu, 7 May 2009 14:51:55 -0700
Subject: The Grammy Museum

http://www.grammymuseum.org/
 Hi XXX. Thanks so much for meeting up with me for dinner at the B.B. Everything was perfect, except the restaurant closing time, as I would have liked to talk with you for another hour or two. You really make a great first impression, and I came away thinking that you have great character, great intellect, and great beauty.

Would you possibly be up for a more full, fun, and interesting date? I actually have a bunch of ideas, but my favorite at the moment is the Grammy Museum, as it's brand new, and I've never been there. Have you? I thought if both of us have never been there, it might be a really fun thing to do while getting to know each other. I would also take you out for dinner downtown near the museum, and I would like to treat for the whole thing. It's a little driving for both of us, but I don't mind if you don't. What do you think? Other suggestions are welcome. I could do either Friday or Saturday.

Hope you're having a great week. Talk to you soon.

B

Editor's Note:

I'm not one to pour out praise after a first date, especially when I'm suspicious that your "great beauty, character and intelligence" email of his is probably some sort of form letter.  But I do know that according to the "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" author, you should compliment a guy indirectly.  So I'll pretend to love that little cheapskate diner he took me to.  

Also, the Grammy Museum sounds like a big snore bore, but I'll be a good sport and pretend like it sounds fun.  BUT he lives in LA and I live in Long Beach, and for him to ask me to drive 50 miles round trip on a second date seems a little lazy on his part (he's much closer to it than I am), especially after he was so half-assed about researching the restaurant. Usually when I go up to LA, I take the metro/ subway, so maybe he'll pick me up there?  He probably won't like it, but it's worth a shot... Read on...

 --- On Thu, 5/7/09, LB Woman wrote:
Subject: RE: The Grammy Museum
Date: Thursday, May 7, 2009, 5:24 PM

Hi XXX,
Thank you for your kind words. I also had a really great time getting to know you. The restaurant was really
adorable, and I loved my mushroom veggie burger!  Thank you for organizing and treating.

The Grammy Museum sounds really interesting.  Let's definitely do that. This weekend is out, as I've already made plans, but next Saturday would work.  The only caveat is that usually when I commute up to LA, I take the Metro (subway). Would you mind picking me up downtown at the station? There's a metro stop at 7th and Fig. If that's too difficult to coordinate, I can walk or take a cab, because it looks like five or so blocks from the station, which isn't too far.

See you soon,

LB WOMAN

Editor's Note:

My friends think it was a bit diva of me to ask him to pick me up from the station, but I really don't see why.  It was only five blocks from the museum!  What kind of douche won't pick up a chick from the station?  Especially if it's not out of his way?  And I offered to just walk or cab it.  Doesn't hurt to ask, right?  I really wasn't trying to be difficult, but my car doesn't have A.C. and it's on its last legs, so I don't even know if it would make it that far!  I'm buying a new one in January and really need to make sure that it will last until then, so I have to be frugal and smart about things.  Anyway.  So far, so good, right?  Wrong.  Men are crazy.  Read on...

Date: Thu, 7 May 2009 17:47:35 -0700
Subject: RE: The Grammy Museum

Hi XXX. I prefer to only take second dates when they are within a few days of first, and anyway I'm not available next weekend. It was nice meeting you. All the best to you.

Editor's Note:

Douchebag says WHAT?!  He only takes second dates within a few days of the first?  Then why didn't he ask me on Tuesday night, and give me a little forewarning?  Not that that would have mattered because I warned him when I talked to him the previous week that this and next weekend were all booked up.  I know for sure because my sister was in the next room, listening to my side of the conversation.  And I'd already made dinner dates with other guys, so there's no WAY I would have offered him the next weekend.  And maybe it's a little obnoxious of me to juggle so many guys, but I'm on Match dot com and I want to get my money's worth!  I'm worried that the one guy who fits my criteria and I ignore will be my soul mate or something.  Anyway, my point:  You don't ask a girl out the day or two before the date (Thursday night for Friday or Saturday) and EXPECT her to be available when you snap your fingers.  And by the way, he totally wasn't busy the next weekend.  He knows he doesn't have anything to do.  And he knows I know this.  He just needs to pwotect his fwagile wittle ego.

Are you freaking kidding me?  My friends think that he was hoping to manipulate me, and get me to drop my previous plans.  Like the idea of going to a stuffy old museum (and most likely another cheap, crappy restaurant where I'd still be way over-dressed) would get me so excited that I'd cancel my other dates.  Sorry, fellas!  After one short, mediocre date, I believe I found THE ONE!!!  I'm ready to begin my life of greasy diners and long commutes and jumping when he snaps his fingers.  I don't know what the hell he was TRYING to do, but I know it really pissed me off.  Read on for my response:

Hi XXX,

I totally understand and that's fine.  But in my defense, when you asked me on Friday what I was doing next weekend (which is now this weekend), I told you then that I already had plans.  Which is why I offered a weeknight, so that we wouldn't have to wait so long to meet up.  So, basically, I already had plans for this weekend before I even met you on Tuesday.  I don't drop previous plans (plans I had before I even met you), even if I want to.  Best of luck to you, too.

Take care,
LBWOMAN

HIS RESPONSE:

Date: Thu, 7 May 2009 22:36:03 -0700

 Subject: RE: The Grammy Museum

Not quite right. You were busy last weekend, and I waited. Last week you specifically said you were free this weekend. So I think your memory about this is a little off. 

EDITOR'S NOTE:

Dude, even if this were true (and it's NOT), if someone tells you, I'm free this date or this date, and you pick the first one, that doesn't automatically mean you get the second date.  And also, IF someone said a week ago that they were free next weekend and you did not make plans at the time to meet on that weekend, then you have to accept the probability that that person might actually be asked to do something else.  With someone OTHER than yourself.

MY FINAL RESPONSE TO HIM:

We'll have to agree to disagree on that point.  Regardless, expecting someone you met once (and who isn't sure you'll even call again) to be available one or two days in advance is extremely presumptuous.  

In any event, I'm sure that we're both really glad that this is coming out right now and not later down the road.  I've never... Just, wow.

And, scene.  His number is now erased from my phone, and his emails are gone from my account.  It's as if it never happened.  I continue to trudge onward and upward, or at least forward.  Maybe stalling a bit, maybe even going backwards sometimes.  This is getting boring, blah, blah, blah.  I have a dinner date with Bachelor #2 tonight.  Here's crossing my fingers!  Wish me luck : )